#17 Le Canard Chubbie

A few weeks ago, a teen had their stomach removed from drinking liquid nitrogen. A few weeks ago, I nearly had mine removed for gross overeating (including liquid nitrogen).

Don't get me wrong. Heston Blumenthal is a Class A douche. His attempt to fix Little Chef was beyond a pretentious joke befitting of a man who's every ounce of personality was instead bestowed at birth to his estranged twin brother, Harry Hill.

Let me summarise by showing a photograph of Heston that best sums up his contribution to the world from a personal perspective...

Heston's head should not be stacked

However, I am the type of person that will always order the weirdest item on the menu (Chili stingray with a side of deep fried tarantula anyone?) and Heston is the daddy of weird food. That's how #17 Eat at the Fat Duck came about.

In reality, this was three challenges rolled into one.

First, came the reservation challenge - the Fat Duck opens for bookings a month in advance of the date you want at 9am. By 8.59am the restaurant is fully booked, presumably by Internet hackers and holders of American Express Double Black cards.

I tried for months to get a table - searching for a weekend but quickly realising this was a terrible idea. Then it happened - a month before half term a table came up. 31st October, Halloween. Challenge complete.

Then came the next challenge - endurance. 14 courses and over five hours of eating and drinking lay ahead of me.

WARNING - SPOILERS

If you don't want to know what you eat there (although the menu changes often) then give up now

There is one option for food - the 14 course tasting menu and approximately 274,000 options for wine. Sadly I am yet to complete #9 Take a Wine Tasting Course so was vastly under qualified to choose. Anyway, how do you choose one (or two) wines to accompany 14 different courses?

Short answer - I didn't have to. The friendly sommelier had done the hard work - a wine accompaniment menu to match the food was the only real choice.

Once the food started - it didn't stop. First came a bouche amuser - some weird beetroot and horseradish sweet. It was good.

Aerated beetroot balls?

Then came the "Nitro Poached Aperitifs" - balls of cocktail flavoured foam (I hit the vodka and lime) dipped into liquid nitrogen and emerging like an AAAAAAARRRRRRMADDDDILLLO (crunchy on the outside, smooth on the inside - follow the link for nostalgia!)

Nitro Poached Aperitifs

Then I start to lose track - there was snail porridge, foie gras, dry ice on a piece of grass, conch shells with ipods in and edible sand and sea scum, a pocket watch that dissolved into a soup, toast sandwiches Whisk(e)y wine gums (I loves me whisky I does), Dessert wine flavoured sorbet and Jelly, Dessert wine, Lots of wine, more wine, Sake etc. etc. etc.

Now for the boring pictures (only a selection):

Dry Ice, Grass, Truffly Stuff

Mock Turtle Soup with Toast Sandwiches

Mock Turtle Soup - Previously a Pocket Watch

Dessert Wine Flavoured Sorbet, Jelly & Ice Cream

"The BFG" - A Black Forest Gateaux

Whisk(e)y Gums - Mmmmm Islay 

Sweeeeeeeets!

Challenge complete - I left the grand total of a spoonful of BFG uneaten and proceeded to roll my way back to the hotel.

Well actually, not straight away. There was the final challenge - the financial challenge. All I can say is thank god interest rates are at the current low they are and thank god I get airmiles for all the money I spend on a credit card.

So - another one off the list. An awesome experience - but definitely one to do once and once only!