#19 Hot Cross Buns

After the whole 3 Peaks fiasco I was getting a little sick of these challenges being so, you know, challenging.

This whole crusade is supposed to be about enjoying the small spattering of youth that remains before I accept my post marital procession towards obesity, hip replacements, retirement (assuming I'm ever financially and legally allowed to do so) and a final swift and memorable round of bucket punting (I'm currently thinking a Baumgartner-esque stratosphere leap is the way to end it. Sans chute, obviously).

Whislt making for a good story, there was very little youth enjoyment in the three peaks. See, militantly herding idiots (my co-challengees obviously excluded) who are at least 20 years your senior does little to reinforce feelings of reckless youthful abandon.

I must admit that I have spent some time wondering if this whole 30 by 30 malarky is just a bit of a chore.

I needn't have worried - all it took was a slight flick of my right wrist and it all made sense again (ooh er missus).

It was with that one simple 90 degree rotation that my TTR250 came alive, thrusting me forward and furiously trying to fling me from its seat as it snaked violently from left to right. Then, all at once, it was tamed - effortlessly slicing through the slick mud, kicking up a trail that made an oh-so-satisfying "splat" as it peppered, then covered the chest, neck and face of a fellow rider as I sped swiftly by. The whiteness of the cheshire-cat-like grin on my face was only removed by a similar overtaking manouvre on me by a more experienced biker comrade. It quickly returned.

Challenge #19 Go Off-Road Motorbiking was by far and away the most enjoyable challenge - if you can call it that - so far. And it will take some beating.

Me, a mate, and a mate of the mate convened on a crisp (but thankfully dry) October morning at Golding Barn raceway near Brighton. Yep, it's just like the crazy jumpy motorcross tracks you see on TV....

Golding Barn Raceway. Jumpy innit?

We met up with the fine folks from Yamaha Offroad Experience (www.yamaha-schools.co.uk) and away we went. The tongue-in-cheek safety briefing was refreshing (compared to the usual elf 'n' safety behind covering rubbish you get from places such as go-karting establishments) and made it clear that if we broke our arms or neck, it was most likely our own stupid fault.

The skies were clear but the ground was wet and very muddy - just the kind of conditions I'd always wanted to try out. We started off with a few laps of the practice track, managing to fall off the bikes and careen off the track on a number of occassions. Then, just as the track dried from nice squishy mud into impassable clay, we were told we were ready for the "big one".

The next few hours were simply awesome, no other way to describe it. Tearing up over lips, round banked corners, down some pretty steep gradients. We took to the air (my real target for the day!), flew round the track standing up and crashed to the ground - all whilst remaining relatively unscathed.

 Me on the left (just) getting air. Buddy on the right getting loads - included as I am jealous of this shot and

DID get as much air as him - just didn't get caught on camera dammit!

I quite simply have to, and will do this again. And again. And again. The amount of improvement you make in a few hours - from failing to start the bike to getting both wheels of the ground - is staggering so I can only imagine what next time will be like. I have no doubt I'll be professional by lesson 3. Apparently you don't do backflips until lesson 4 - sounds like lies and shameless money-grabbing tactics from the organisers if you ask me...

I ended the day exhausted - both from the concentration and physical exertion. My knees, arms and legs took a pumelling but they weren't the worst things. I'm pretty sure I'd have to spend a fair while soap collecting in the boarding houses of Eton to achieve quite the same feeling I had for a few days afterwards in my hot, cross, buns.